I love my job—it’s the best job in the world, but sometimes circumstances, seasons, the economy—all conspire to make it harder and more frustrating. Then I get cranky, and I hate being cranky! It’s not who I want to be. So what is making me cranky, you might ask? How about:
· We are coming into the Christmas season and our ability to help families is limited, as usual. Our Christmas list filled up in 3 days this year! That is unheard of and I wish we could help more. Saying no to hurting families makes me hurt.
· Our building is too small. It always has been, but it is getting worse because we are getting busier. Seeing thirty families in a day used to be a busy day. Now seeing thirty families is a slow day—we are routinely helping 45-60 families each day we are open. This makes for crowded conditions, people standing and waiting too long—all of this makes me extremely frustrated, as does the lack of a public restroom and a space for the children to play.
· As we are becoming better known in the community, people are finding us to donate their leftovers to. I know that may sound harsh, but often our donations lately have been just garbage—old, stained, smelly clothing, broken toys and house wares and out of date food. My volunteer staff is VERY upset about this, which upsets me.
· The sheer volume of donations coming in is overwhelming us in several areas. We simply have no more room for storing stuff that won’t get used right away, so we are constantly shifting bags and boxes of donations from place to place. We have over 20 volunteers who work at sorting and hanging clothing and we still aren’t keeping up. This is the source of a huge amount of my crankiness!
· I can be a little OCD about how I want things to look on the shelves, where and how food should be stored….the list goes on. My mind seems to work better with order and I have spent a considerable amount of time lately trying to create order in one small area after another. When I have spent the morning tidying up the shed or the kitchen, and come in the next day to find the area all messed up again, my crankiness quotient goes through the roof!!
So, other than venting to all of you, what am I doing about my lack of understanding and patience? Well, I have spent some time emailing back and forth with a fellow social service provider who totally understands and sympathizes with me. She made a lovely point that I then took to prayer---we are not only called to serve others by our faith, but Jesus expects us to serve with a joyful heart. Then, last night at mass, Father Scott said something that resonated with me—he said we cannot be open to receiving Christ if we are full of ourselves. I immediately, in my mind, made the change to “we cannot serve Christ if we are full of ourselves”. As anyone who reads my blog knows, the central focus of our service at Hope House is that we are serving the body of Christ in each and every person who comes through that door, and each individual should be treated as we would treat Him. So when I get caught up in my crankiness, my desire for perfection and order; when I expect others to “hop to it” and do it my way; and when I fret over space and donation problems, I am full of myself! Where is there room for Christ in all of that? The only thing I need to remember is to leave it all with Him, and it will all work out.
As for that joyful heart—how can I not have one with my great job?