Monday, February 10, 2014
Last year, when we spiffed up the waiting room with fresh yellow paint, I wanted to avoid nail holes in the wall as much as possible, so I found the coolest things at Home Depot—peel and stick white boards for your wall. Literally, you peel and stick them on the wall, write on them, erase, etc.—everything you do with a regular wood dry erase board. I actually bought a package of 3 bright green circles for the wall next to the check in/out desk. I use them to announce closings coming up, offer humorous sayings and sometimes to inspire with quotes I find. For a couple of months last fall, one of the circles said “Don’t let your struggle define you”. I loved it—and I left it up for quite awhile. Then recently I erased it for another saying and two different people came to me and asked me to put it back, because it did inspire them each time they come in.
So why is this saying resonating with them, and why do I like it so much? Because it speaks to an attitude I see as destructive to a person's mental health and recovery from whatever they are struggling with. That attitude says to define yourself by what has happened to you, label yourself as a "victim",and use it as an excuse to stay stagnant where you are. Healing is hard and can take years, but if you are still stuck in victimhood, where are you going? You are letting your struggle win after all, by staying a victim. A good example is when a woman comes and immediately identifies herself as a “victim” of domestic abuse. Now don’t get me wrong—I am not denying the pain and suffering she has gone through. What I am saying is don’t let that DEFINE you for the rest of your life. Why would you want to define yourself as a victim of any kind? Let your struggle help you figure out where you need to go, inspire you to change your life, but don’t cave in to being that victim forever. Refuse to let your struggle, your abuser, your past take away all that is good and positive about you and around you--redefine yourself!
I think that is why this quote is so popular—and it works. The other day I had a client come in who identified herself as a “survivor” of domestic abuse. When I commented on how much better that was than the other, she grinned and said—“it makes me feel better and stronger each time I say it!”.
As a popular song says-- "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
Thursday, November 7, 2013
I love my job—it’s the best job in the world, but sometimes circumstances, seasons, the economy—all conspire to make it harder and more frustrating. Then I get cranky, and I hate being cranky! It’s not who I want to be. So what is making me cranky, you might ask? How about:
· We are coming into the Christmas season and our ability to help families is limited, as usual. Our Christmas list filled up in 3 days this year! That is unheard of and I wish we could help more. Saying no to hurting families makes me hurt.
· Our building is too small. It always has been, but it is getting worse because we are getting busier. Seeing thirty families in a day used to be a busy day. Now seeing thirty families is a slow day—we are routinely helping 45-60 families each day we are open. This makes for crowded conditions, people standing and waiting too long—all of this makes me extremely frustrated, as does the lack of a public restroom and a space for the children to play.
· As we are becoming better known in the community, people are finding us to donate their leftovers to. I know that may sound harsh, but often our donations lately have been just garbage—old, stained, smelly clothing, broken toys and house wares and out of date food. My volunteer staff is VERY upset about this, which upsets me.
· The sheer volume of donations coming in is overwhelming us in several areas. We simply have no more room for storing stuff that won’t get used right away, so we are constantly shifting bags and boxes of donations from place to place. We have over 20 volunteers who work at sorting and hanging clothing and we still aren’t keeping up. This is the source of a huge amount of my crankiness!
· I can be a little OCD about how I want things to look on the shelves, where and how food should be stored….the list goes on. My mind seems to work better with order and I have spent a considerable amount of time lately trying to create order in one small area after another. When I have spent the morning tidying up the shed or the kitchen, and come in the next day to find the area all messed up again, my crankiness quotient goes through the roof!!
So, other than venting to all of you, what am I doing about my lack of understanding and patience? Well, I have spent some time emailing back and forth with a fellow social service provider who totally understands and sympathizes with me. She made a lovely point that I then took to prayer---we are not only called to serve others by our faith, but Jesus expects us to serve with a joyful heart. Then, last night at mass, Father Scott said something that resonated with me—he said we cannot be open to receiving Christ if we are full of ourselves. I immediately, in my mind, made the change to “we cannot serve Christ if we are full of ourselves”. As anyone who reads my blog knows, the central focus of our service at Hope House is that we are serving the body of Christ in each and every person who comes through that door, and each individual should be treated as we would treat Him. So when I get caught up in my crankiness, my desire for perfection and order; when I expect others to “hop to it” and do it my way; and when I fret over space and donation problems, I am full of myself! Where is there room for Christ in all of that? The only thing I need to remember is to leave it all with Him, and it will all work out.
As for that joyful heart—how can I not have one with my great job?
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
Meet Ruben; tall, wearing jeans and an old army jacket, longish messy brown hair in which he sometimes wears a kerchief tied like a headband. Ruben is a nice looking young man when he actually looks straight at you—his eyes are a startling bright blue-green, and you only notice the tattoos above his eyebrows when he lifts his hair with his hands. He has a beard and mustache and he moves a LOT; restlessly touching and counting things, moving away from people…Ruben has some mental health issues, among them OCD and anxiety. But when he smiles, it lights up the room and he has been known to play the guitar for all of us at Hope House. As he backs into the intake room, I know some of the staff are watching him cautiously.
Ruben is one of many clients we have with mental health issues, and in the last few weeks, we have had some problems with some of them escalating and getting loud and disruptive in Hope House. This issue has been weighing on me, and I have spent much time in prayer about it. It is such a fine line to walk; to reach out and help those in need, while still keeping everyone safe and comfortable. After all, Jesus hung out with the mentally ill and homeless all the time (more on that later in this blog). So my new idea is to treat these clients as “normal” (whatever that is) and give them clear expectations of behavior while in Hope House. Thursday was my first chance to try this, which worked out perfectly since I was doing intake. Here’s how it went;
· Vicky, an extremely disruptive client who is schizophrenic, came in for assistance. I greeted her warmly, told her she looked good and asked how we could help her today. When she requested housing help (something we don’t do), I was afraid she would be upset at not getting it, but to my surprise, she was fine with a referral and some warm clothing.
· D.T., a very large homeless man with anger issues, came in wrapped in a blanket looking for clothing and food. We spent a few minutes talking about his late girlfriend, who passed away last year. After shedding a few tears, he went and shopped and left with no trouble.
· Ann, a single mom with depression and anxiety, came in and sat with me for about 15 minutes, chatting about her life and her boys. She thanked me for taking time to just listen.
So by keeping my mood positive and firm, I was able to help these clients have pleasant shopping experiences. How I see my clients is as part of the Body of Christ, and if I always remember that, we will get along much better. I know we are all part of Christ, but I’m pretty sure that Jesus visited us at Hope House today—actually visited, not just as one of His people, but here in disguise as one of His people.
So back to Ruben: here is how his shopping went. When he was ready to get hygiene, there were too many people in that area for him. I found him in a corner of the waiting room and asked him if he was alright. He replied “yes, I’m fine, but there are too many people over there, so I’ll wait here.” A very smart coping skill, if you ask me. Later, he seemed rooted to the waiting room (where he was rearranging and counting our chairs) and unable to continue shopping, so I stood by the kitchen door and called out his choices to him while he picked what he needed—all while moving chairs around. We packed his choices up for him and he proceeded to fidget around in the waiting room until almost time to close, at which point I warned him we would close in 10 minutes. As the last client went out the door, I said “ok, Ruben time to go”. He was actually sitting quietly reading a book at this point and he stood up and handed it to me and shouldered his bag. I told him he could take the book if he wanted. He looked straight in my eyes, gave me a small smile and said “thanks, but I’ve already read it”. As he went out the door, I looked down at the book in my hands—it was the Bible.
I’ m just saying…..sometimes He visits in person.